Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

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HappyQuark
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Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby HappyQuark » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:08 am

One of the schools I'm applying to is requiring a "Personal History Statement". Since I hate these things and never have anything good to say, I figured I'd write something ridiculous. I'm still trying to decide if it is worth submitting.

Currently I'm unaware of the properly formatted operators that shift cats into kittens which parlays nicely the classical struggle of man and beast. This is not tantamount to purple motion, with the obvious exception of tomorrow, but forth told through the ages it is not within my grasp to conceive of such novelties. Keeping with similar themes is not casually simple but rather made, for example, out of personal tragedy and half baked ideas. This isn't to suggest, by proxy, that my intuitions are always coercive, nor is it consistent with all that makes me the person I arrived at in stasis. Rather, keeping with cultural tradition, the norms of tomorrow and hence the degradation of yesterday must always be perpetuated by those who keep holy the first and primary movements of significance. To suggest that I am of such fortitudes is, I freely confess, not within moral company nor of sound intellectual condition. Yet, I think it not so crass to suggest that with the coming of a new series of metaphorically concentric milestones and constantly mandated institutional virtues, we should embrace all degrees of systematic dream-state, regardless of how they visit us. And so it comes to this, with steady hand and bated breath, that personal reflection, and even those platitudes derived thereof, are neither darkened in tone, hue or timbre but instead amplified through gradual but pronounced institution. I advocate and perpetuate such ideas as if they were not standard makings within a comfortable framework and for this I apologize. However, that which is not my doing and for which I won't accept blame need not lie within that which I have embarked upon, least of all those of us that need not any such cure. It is precisely this reason that I shall always, when summoned to the metaphorical higher courts, plead my insanity with conviction and a certain untold yet knowledgeable tiptoed heir. More importantly, however, it is precisely this reason that I deserve two stipends and an immediate position in your finest research group........ and a Ferrari.

If you can recommend some changes or potential additions, I'll make it worth your while (if you know what I mean.....wink wink).

The_Duck
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby The_Duck » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:12 am

This seems unwise. :?

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midwestphysics
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby midwestphysics » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:17 am

I definitely think it will help you get admitted, as to which wing of the Betty Ford Clinic I can't say for sure. :D

pymtab
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Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:19 am

Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby pymtab » Thu Dec 23, 2010 4:56 am

That was awfully similar to some GRE texts I remember reading.
You should be writing tests for ETS...

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grae313
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby grae313 » Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:10 pm

midwestphysics wrote:I definitely think it will help you get admitted, as to which wing of the Betty Ford Clinic I can't say for sure. :D


I lolled.

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WhoaNonstop
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby WhoaNonstop » Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:00 pm

Send your "unlivable map" in to them and inform them that you have survived in the black abyss and that makes you a unique person. :P

-Riley

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twistor
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby twistor » Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:01 am

It won't get you accepted because it doesn't contain enough rhymes.

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zxcv
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby zxcv » Mon Dec 27, 2010 5:44 am

If I were a member of the admissions committee at the school you mention (which I am not) and was reading this statement, I would not think you are crazy, but would consider it an indication of extremely poor judgment.

A relatively short, generic statement about how you got into science is not unusual and will not count against you. I wrote my personal history statement in an hour or two the day the application was due. But this would probably be worse than not writing anything at all.

I imagine the response of a hypothetical admissions committee member upon reading your essay would include some of the following:

Application reader...
1) ...is annoyed that they wasted 30 second of their life reading your non-sensical essay.
2) ...cares deeply about diversity in physics, and takes this as essay as an indication that you think such efforts are not only a waste of time, but such a waste of time that they are worth wasting someone else's time to complain about.
3) ...believes applications are not the place to insult their own requirements.
4) ...fears that you might try such stunts again (e.g., when you apply for an NSF grant), which does not bode well for your career as a scientist.
5) ...is amused.

There is no upside here, except for everyone else who is also applying to this very competitive program. Save this statement for comic relief online.

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WhoaNonstop
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby WhoaNonstop » Mon Dec 27, 2010 1:40 pm

zxcv wrote:There is no upside here, except for everyone else who is also applying to this very competitive program. Save this statement for comic relief online.


There is no upside here, unless you want to be the biggest badass applying to that program.

-Riley

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grae313
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby grae313 » Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:46 pm

There are no upsides here, unless you have a functioning sarcasm detector in which case every option you listed is a huge plus. HappyQuark you better submit that essay or you'll never get in anywhere.

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twistor
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Re: Taking the Personal History Statement seriously?

Postby twistor » Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:40 pm

I made a suggestion but you still haven't provided oral satisfaction as you implied in your original post. I hope you're ashamed of yourself.




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