One of the schools I'm applying to is requiring a "Personal History Statement". Since I hate these things and never have anything good to say, I figured I'd write something ridiculous. I'm still trying to decide if it is worth submitting.
Currently I'm unaware of the properly formatted operators that shift cats into kittens which parlays nicely the classical struggle of man and beast. This is not tantamount to purple motion, with the obvious exception of tomorrow, but forth told through the ages it is not within my grasp to conceive of such novelties. Keeping with similar themes is not casually simple but rather made, for example, out of personal tragedy and half baked ideas. This isn't to suggest, by proxy, that my intuitions are always coercive, nor is it consistent with all that makes me the person I arrived at in stasis. Rather, keeping with cultural tradition, the norms of tomorrow and hence the degradation of yesterday must always be perpetuated by those who keep holy the first and primary movements of significance. To suggest that I am of such fortitudes is, I freely confess, not within moral company nor of sound intellectual condition. Yet, I think it not so crass to suggest that with the coming of a new series of metaphorically concentric milestones and constantly mandated institutional virtues, we should embrace all degrees of systematic dream-state, regardless of how they visit us. And so it comes to this, with steady hand and bated breath, that personal reflection, and even those platitudes derived thereof, are neither darkened in tone, hue or timbre but instead amplified through gradual but pronounced institution. I advocate and perpetuate such ideas as if they were not standard makings within a comfortable framework and for this I apologize. However, that which is not my doing and for which I won't accept blame need not lie within that which I have embarked upon, least of all those of us that need not any such cure. It is precisely this reason that I shall always, when summoned to the metaphorical higher courts, plead my insanity with conviction and a certain untold yet knowledgeable tiptoed heir. More importantly, however, it is precisely this reason that I deserve two stipends and an immediate position in your finest research group........ and a Ferrari.
If you can recommend some changes or potential additions, I'll make it worth your while (if you know what I mean.....wink wink).