Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

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PhysicsUndergrad2013
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Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby PhysicsUndergrad2013 » Sat Aug 21, 2010 5:12 pm

I know it's way to early to be worrying, but I would like to know your experiences with physics grad school: Do relationships ever carry on from college? Is there time to date in grad school? Would that leave time to exercise and maybe to gig on weekends?

Thanks,
Zach

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HappyQuark
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby HappyQuark » Sun Aug 22, 2010 4:07 am

PhysicsUndergrad2013 wrote:I know it's way to early to be worrying, but I would like to know your experiences with physics grad school: Do relationships ever carry on from college? Is there time to date in grad school? Would that leave time to exercise and maybe to gig on weekends?

Thanks,
Zach


It isn't a coincidence that so many physicists refer to relationships as the 2 body problem. Even if you had any kind of spare time while in grad school, there is the ever present issue of having no money and very little job/location stability for roughly 10 years. This is primarily due to all of the postdoc work you'll be doing before you even get a chance to settle down at a single school.

geshi
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby geshi » Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:19 am

It isn't a coincidence that so many physicists refer to relationships as the 2 body problem. Even if you had any kind of spare time while in grad school, there is the ever present issue of having no money and very little job/location stability for roughly 10 years. This is primarily due to all of the postdoc work you'll be doing before you even get a chance to settle down at a single school.


What are you talking about? You have great security for 6ish years! ;)

To make things sound a little more hopeful than what HappyQuark just said: I know a bunch of people who are married in grad school. They seem to be doing just fine. It was probably roughest for them the first couple years when they were taking classes, TAing, and doing research all at once.

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grae313
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby grae313 » Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:30 pm

Hm, a lot of the people I know are married or in a relationship. A guy in my class broke up with his girlfriend from undergrad before coming out here because he thought a long distance relationship would be infeasible. After a year and a half of missing each other, not dating anyone else, and visiting each other every chance they got, they finally got back together six or so months ago and are doing great. Two people in my lab just got married, both to people they had been with since before graduate school. One was a sixth year student and the other a fourth year student. I have lots of extra money and now that my first year or two is over, plenty of time to work out, enjoy a relationship, and pursue other interests to a certain extent. On the other hand, there's a professor here with no family, who works from 10 am to 10 pm, and eats every meal in the dining hall. But there are other professors here with families. It depends on what your goals are and where you want to end up. But in my opinion, if you sacrifice having a life in order to be a top physicist, you're doing it wrong. It being living.

coffeecoffeecoffee
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby coffeecoffeecoffee » Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:55 pm

PhysicsUndergrad2013 wrote:I know it's way to early to be worrying, but I would like to know your experiences with physics grad school: Do relationships ever carry on from college? Is there time to date in grad school? Would that leave time to exercise and maybe to gig on weekends?

Thanks,
Zach


Grad school, like many things, is mostly what you make of it. If you make your personal relationships a priority right from the start, you will have time to date, hang out, and exercise. At least that's my experience.

It's also important not to surround yourself with quirky 24/7-types that will distort your view on work/life balance.


--

How to Get Into Grad School, tips from a current Ph.D. student

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grae313
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby grae313 » Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:06 pm

^^^ what he said.

kroner
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby kroner » Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:50 pm

It seems like everyone I meet is married, engaged or otherwise in a long term relationship.

pqortic
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby pqortic » Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:09 pm

coffeecoffeecoffee wrote:
...you will have time to date, hang out, and exercise.

you mean if we date, we should exercise?!!

theoretical_phys
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby theoretical_phys » Thu Aug 26, 2010 5:11 pm

"Exercise," eh?

Ha ha ha.

On another note, I will be in a relationship starting graduate school in October. It is currently a long distance relationship (try dating someone across an ocean - I'm American and he is English), so we will be about a 3 hour train ride apart from one another when I move to England. We plan to see each other every weekend, taking turns riding the train (I already calculated the prices for train tickets...I will be able to afford the cost easily even though my stipend is only about $20,000 per year). The way I see it, even though I won't be able to see my boyfriend everyday, the situation will be much better than only seeing him once every two months. Plus, we can call, skype, and email one another as much as we want.

I know other people in the same situation as I am currently in right now. It seems to be quite common in a lot of English universities (two or three friends, actually). All of them are doing well and they manage. With a little effort and time management, it is very possible to maintain a relationship in grad school, I think.

Emily

PS - As I say in almost every post, disregard my username. I'm actually going into observational astrophysics. :wink:

blackcat007
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby blackcat007 » Thu Aug 26, 2010 7:56 pm

kroner wrote:It seems like everyone I meet is married, engaged or otherwise in a long term relationship.

Same for me :)
I think I am the only lonesome hobo in my year :cry:

signminus
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby signminus » Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:39 pm

blackcat007 wrote: Same for me :)
I think I am the only lonesome hobo in my year :cry:


Only lonesome person? possibly

Only hobo? doubtful :D

blackcat007
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Re: Is it possible to maintain a relationship in grad school?

Postby blackcat007 » Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:57 pm

signminus wrote:
blackcat007 wrote: Same for me :)
I think I am the only lonesome hobo in my year :cry:


Only lonesome person? possibly

Only hobo? doubtful :D


:mrgreen:




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