OK, I know how melodramatic that sounds, but....
I'm a current freshman in engineering at a big top 20 school. I did REALLY poorly last semester for a lot of reasons unrelated to understanding (math and physics, I can't vouch for microcontrollers) material(disability-that's I'm getting help with for the first time next year, bad study skills(never had to take notes before) weedout classes, laziness, depression, poor math skills-I never took an algebra class as a teen-that sort of deal.) It's my fault first and foremost though, so.... And I'm not talking just a few B's here and there either-I WISH. This semester looks bad too-I've just leaned that I did badly on a midterm that I thought I did well on, which really makes me doubt my ability further-, although I've done well in physics(A in physics II which is a NOTORIOUS weeder here, assuming the curve goes right). I've done awfully in the math though, making me question my plans on transferring to physics. Granted, I'm more interested in applied/experimental physics, as well as various engineering stuff(I like some stuff in engineering, but it lies more on the interface with physics-solid state electronics, stuff like that. I can't stand the embedded systems course I have to go through right now), but I still can't imagine grad schools would tolerate it. A lot of the reasons I want to transfer are non-academic as well(the department is a lot more pleasant, personal happiness, etc).
I've been doing research in an engineering and loving it so far. It's pretty physics related(nanotech/nanowires), so I think I'd like physics research as well. With some luck I will be doing it over the summer(will know soon). So at least I've been doing OK on that.
My point is, should I still do physics because of how I did in math so far? I don't think an A in freshman physics means much, so I guess I'm also worried that I don't know what I'm getting into next year. If I were to turn it around(remember that I'm getting help next year/medication)... I will do whatever it takes to do so, and am ready to work my fingers to the bone, but I'm just worried it's too late for a great grad school(assuming I will go to grad school, which is another can of worms all together. I like research, but I'm 18 years old...). I mean to say, it won't be a matter of whether I get the material or not if I do well in the next few years, but I still feel uneasy about it, looking at profiles here.
I'm confident I can do better. But not confident that I can do as good as it takes(all A's). I'm retaking a class over the summer and have come up with new strategies in the classroom with my counselor, so I guess I have a test run coming up for said strategies.
Lastly, if anything here comes off as blaming something/someone, it's not. I know this is my fault and my fault alone. I know how hard I will have to work to make up for this.
I'm sorry if this is all convoluted.... I also want to ask if a couple of my professor's are well known or not, but that would require people answering in the field, and me giving away my school.... stupid idea. I'm posting it because I just don't care anymore. Gotta laugh at myself.